Reuben Feffer: Look, you can forget it. l'm not going to a party.
Sandy Lyle: What do you think is gonna happen?
Lisa's gonna come waltzing through that door, saying she made a mistake?
Reuben Feffer: No, of course not. l'm just.. l'm trying to make sense out of what the hell she did.
I mean, what can I say? You're my best friend.
Sandy Lyle: Oh, oh! Hold on. Let me see something here.
Ah, and, uh.. [Tape Rewinding]
Reuben Feffer: What?
Sandy Lyle: Check out her expression. She's terrified.
Reuben Feffer: She's smiling.
Sandy Lyle: l'm a student of acting, Reuben. She's faking it. The woman got spooked.
She needed to explore, which is exactly what you're gonna do.
You've been given the gift of freedom. Don't turn your back on that.
Reuben Feffer: I don't want freedom, Sandy! I want to be married! I bought a goddamn house!
I got to move out of this apartment in like six weeks!
Sandy Lyle: [Laughing] Look at her.
She's not thinking about having a deep, committed relationship...
with a complex individuallike yourself.
Reuben Feffer: She's not?
Sandy Lyle: No! She's daydreaming about having hot, shallow sex with a French nudist!
'Oh, l'm hugging. Oh, I love you so much. 'Liar!
Reuben Feffer: So whose party is this again?
Sandy Lyle: lt's an art opening for this Dutch guy, Jost.
His art sucks, but he used to sell me really good pot.
Oh, man, l'm so friggin' horny.
Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.
Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?
Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.
Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.
Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.
Reuben Feffer: You're the most disgusting person I've ever met in my life.
Man: One Two Three and.. What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happenin'? (few times..)
Sandy Lyle: Why should you want to know. Don't you mind about the future
Don't you try to think ahead.Save tomorrow for tomorrow. Think about today instead. Kid: Sandy!
Sandy Lyle: What?
Kid: I'm playing Jesus. That's my song.
Sandy Lyle: I know it's your song, but I felt something, and I decided to go with it.
Kid: But you're playing Judas.
Sandy Lyle: Judas. All right, look. Here's the deal. l'm the star of the show, okay?
So if I decide to bust out a solo, do me a favor and give me the freedom to rock out.
Reuben Feffer: So the play's going well?
Sandy Lyle: Yeah, I think it's gonna be fun.
I mean, I just wish they wouldn't surround me with a bunch of amateurs.
Reuben Feffer: Uh-huh. lsn't that like the point of community theater?
Sandy Lyle: Whatever, Reuben.
Reuben Feffer: Well, I had no choice. She called me, like, seven times... to confirm and then cancel
and then confirm again. Why? What's wrong with letting her pick the place?
Sandy Lyle: You've got irritable bowel syndrome, dude. lf she chose an ethnic restaurant,
you're gonna be running to the bathroom every five seconds.
Reuben Feffer: Oh, my God. You're right. Thank you.
Sandy Lyle: You know, I doubt it'll get this far, but if she turns out to be easier than I thought,
there's something you need to know.
Reuben Feffer: l'm not a virgin, Sandy.
Sandy Lyle: No, not technically, but times have changed since you were last single.
Now, listen, when l'm making out with a girl for the first time, I like to give her a little spankin'.
Reuben Feffer: What?
Sandy Lyle: Nothing violent. You just tap her real light right on the tushy and say,
'Hey, l'm your daddy. l'm your daddy.' Listen to me. What are you doing?
Reuben Feffer: l'm blotting the grease.
Sandy Lyle: That's the best part. Let me see that. Listen, don't be shy. lt's just a little tap. lt's like saying,
'Boop, l'm your daddy.'
Reuben Feffer: l'm not gonna tap her.
Sandy Lyle: Brings 'em right back to childhood. Trust me, they're putty in your hands after that.